Neighborhood Grinds is the black hole of first dates

Citizens of the South Bay:

Don't doom your blind first date to failure.  Avoid Neighboorhood Grinds like the plague for those hope-filled adventures with members of the opposite sex who have an intriguing online dating profile.

Trust me on this one.  It won't work out.  I've seen it again and again and again.

Under different lights she'd be clever, fun and gorgeous--better than you expect.  In any other environment he'll be an engaging, witty and attractive gentleman--the quintessential keeper.

But, all potential goes out the window in this place. Maybe there's something in the coffee.

It will undoubtedly go down like this.

She'll ramble about absolutely nothing for 90 straight minutes.  He'll sit there and nod quietly like a lost puppy.
She'll gesture wildly.  He'll tap his foot nervously.
She's probably psychotic. He might have Asperger's.

And if you're going to get dinner, go to a fucking restaurant that serves real food.  The awkward silences as you each bite into stale panini bread that crumbles all over your shirts won't help the case for a second date.

Plus, you both will annoy me.

With concern,


PS  If you image google "terrible first date", Sean Hannity shows up on page 3.  Think of him next time you consider of blind dating at my coffee shop.


Hello father time, it's me, James.

I think I blinked away 3 months of time.  I had so much to do and then *poof*, I'm here...still with so much to do.  Just a big hazy blur in the rear view mirror.

Now I'm sitting in a coffee shop.  For the first time in forever.

In front of me is the marked up script that's calling me to finally revise.   LOOK AT ME!  LOOK AT ME!  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP IGNORING ME!  YOU'RE SO CLOSE!    But it needs sooooo much work.  Do I have the patience for you?

I turned it upside down so I won't have to look at it.  But red ink bleeds through the last page.  So much red ink.  Goddammit I bled all over this thing and now I don't even want to look at it.

I move it to the other side of the table...behind my laptop.

A neatly stacked pile of 30 pages sits underneath--the first act of a caper script I started way back when.  It's a pretty damn good start.  Why did I ever stop working on it?

I crane my neck to the left.  My red-inked opus stared back like a lost puppy.

Oh, that's right, for you.

I push the new script aside.  Cant dive back into something big.

I know, I'll check my macbook desktop?  Always something good abandoned there!

There's the short I started last month!

This could work.

*clicks open*  reading....reading....reading....

This is terrible.  Was I drunk....or....well let's leave it at drunk.  Must have been drunk.

Flipping through my notebook--good idea--bad idea--awful idea--fantastic idea--that'll never work--

Hmmm....commit to something new.  There's an idea.

Did the red-ink script just bark at me?

Oooo! here comes my sandwich--a tasty grilled turkey panini with brie and fresh spinach on the side.  This will be tasty!  Exactly what I need.  Obviously I can't create and eat.  Let's see what's on the Huffington Post...and facebook and...